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Posted by: Scootergptx
I could always get a job shipping Fed Ex. (just need to get me a parot)
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: mywifesquad
You mean your fiance's dad? BR>
You dont have a g/f anymore M26! hr>
Freudian slip? Or is there something he's hiding?
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: motox26
Quote
Originally posted by: mywifesquad
You mean your fiance's dad? BR>
You dont have a g/f anymore M26! hr>
I don't say fiance' to much, it sounds kind of GG's boyfriendish.hr>
I know from experience they don't like to be introduced as "the old lady" (Black eye smiley)
Posted by: Scootergptx
Freudian slip
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.
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The Freudian slip is named after Sigmund Freud, who described the phenomenon he called faulty action (Fehlleistung or parapraxis) in his 1901 book The Psychopathology of Everyday Life.
The Freudian slip is an error in human action, speech or memory that is believed to be caused by the unconscious mind. The error often appears to the observer as being casual, bizarre or nonsensical.
Popularization of the term has diluted its technical meaning in some contexts to include any slip-of-the-tongue phenomenon, often in an attempt by the user to humorously assign hidden motives or sexual innuendo to the mistake or blooper. This is particularly common with names, as when a speaker calls a listener by the wrong name.
Thus, in everyday usage, Freudian slip has come to mean a slip of the tongue that reveals the speaker's true meaning or intention.
Although not all human errors can be technically attributed to Freudian slips, such behavior is often analyzed on the basis that they may be. "Sometimes the truth has a way of coming out in the most embarrassing and unexpected ways." This may be true in many cases, but such analysis should be treated with skepticism.
Reader's Digest version: You were talking about the fiance, but were thinking about the g/f, thus saying g/f instead of fiance.
Just remember, it's a joke, so don't take it too seriously.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: TPR
Hey, this is a place of drinking...so it is only natural that someone would slip up and not call their significant other by the right designation....take Fred for example....it's usually called "Domestic Partner" but he might slip up and say "husband"....BR>
TPR
At that point, Freudian slip refers to a garment.
A round of drinks Champ. I guess a Shirley Temple for Fred.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Don't know why, but the monkey with the cue ball joke just popped into my head. May want to keep Fred away from those.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: 1of4Horsemen
Quote
Originally posted by: WebopperQuote
Whoa...look who hobbled in...LOL.
Yeah you could say that, Iv'e upgraded to a cane now.
I would hate to sue the Champs Bar for non accomodations to the handi-capped. hr>
You know only bad things would happen if he put a ramp in here.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Somebody crashed in the bar and you'll all worried about artwork? Where are your priorities?
Now, did anyone spill their drink? OK, good.
Motox, I'm sure you've heard this before but, six more inches, and you'd have had it.
Posted by: Scootergptx
99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer. (Last hour at work going pretty darn slow)
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: MrDumass
Quote
Originally posted by: Scootergptx
99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer. (Last hour at work going pretty darn slow)
Last hour? What are your hours? I have about 4 hours left. It goes by real slow!
Switched back to 8 hour days. Now it's 6a to 2p M-F.
Did kill some time, took the kids to the pool. Had one that didn't want to go, and another played peek-a-boo after the flush.
98 bottles of beer on the wall.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Point well made, Champ.
Give a cold one and a can of Lysol. I got gas, and trust me, it ain't natural.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Is that the Special Olympics on TV? Didn't realize this was a sports bar.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Bring me a cold one, Champ. I been doing some thinking. How come ESPN will show a spelling bee an a broadcast, but not the Special Olympics? I know which one would be more entertaining. You know some of the out takes from that would make you spit in your dribble glass.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: MrDumass
TPR- I try my best. The lil lady and I have talked about how we could raise him to be much better, but how do you tell your sis/sis in law that??
Love the shirt idea! hr>
My sister in law was putting her life in the toilet a long time ago. Just came out and told her I was going to take her 2 kids and raise them. Wound up raising all three of them. She did get her poop straight later. Just come out and tell her. If nothing else, it may start her thinking about what she's doing.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Ummm, is that whale sperm on your shoes?
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: MrDumass
Hey, whats your gerbils name???
I thought he looked a lot like Mr. Lemikins.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Well, I think I'll buy a round for everyone.
Champ! Black Russians all around.
Posted by: Scootergptx
C'mon guys! Can't we all just get along? BR>
Let him have a beer.
A dark beer.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Bet you have a moonshine jug, but it ain't got XXX on it.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Damn, missed happy hour, again.
Posted by: Scootergptx
That has happened to the wife before. They sure don't like it when I get involved. Hasn't happened again since the last "incident".
Posted by: Scootergptx
Well, something about personal property suddenly have a series of holes in it did manage to raise a few eyebrows. Now I'm just the crazy old man.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Champ, you need a broom in the bathroom. If you thought hair on the seat was a problem before, it's like a bunch of animals have been in there.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Makes you wonder what you just walked into. A bar full of Care Bears and pirates. BR>
I think I'll get this round to go, Champ.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: hellyeh
Quick D , hide your stash , the Fuzz just walked in !
Boys, I'm gonna have to take that back to the house..I mean station to have that analyzed.
Coming next fall on CBS:
CSI: Crime Shed
Posted by: Scootergptx
I still think a little personal analyzation would be good. Well, for me anyway.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: hellyeh
If you let me drive the cop car and shoot your gun , i'll roll one for ya Roscoe . img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">
Going out this weekend to shoot the .45 Seems I've got about 500 rounds that won't fit in my ammo storage (you don't even want to know how much is in there ). And, I still have to go get my monthly allotment of 200 rounds. BR>
Hellyeh, hit the lights and siren too. It's freaks people out.
Posted by: Scootergptx
WoooHooo!!!!
I think there's a chick at WalMart that might want to work here.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: OneFlyCowboy
Quote
Originally posted by: Scootergptx
WoooHooo!!!!
I think there's a chick at WalMart that might want to work here. hr>
I had to hire her away from walmart. she is now dancing under my desk hr>
As long as it's not the redneck bra woman. Well, ok, I'd look at those once too. Just trying to keep the bar upscale.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Well, I'd rather be known as an alcoholic than a quitter. BR>
You shouldn't let a little bottle kick your ass. Unless it's being applied with great force across your skull.
Posted by: Scootergptx
If I ever win the lottery, or get enough ahead where I don't have to keep this job, I'll definitely be in the green again. Since I had to stop, I've probably added 15 alcohol related pounds. Of course, there would be the munchie related weight too.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Sorry to hear you're having a bad day Champ. BR>
Hey Look!!! (points at door) Bigfoot!!! (leans across bar and refills beer as everyone is looking)
Posted by: Scootergptx
Look everybody!! It's OFC!! (points to door again)
(this time fills up two beers)
Posted by: Scootergptx
Look Everybody!!! (everyone looks at Scooter)
Uhh...hey..mmm...Champ, let me buy everyone a round. Make sure Samson gets two.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Hell Champ, let me buy 1 of 4's drinks. And give him a shot of WD40 for the knee too.
Posted by: Scootergptx
They did a test on a local tv station here, and they (the testers) agreed it worked. They say it contains a lot of activated charcoal, which absorbs the toxins.
I believe that hooka has more than one hose.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Kinda feels like you left the kids in charge of the house while on vacation?
Funny story about that. Parents were always coming back 1-2 days early. No big deal, learned to adjust. Well, they go to FL to see my grandparents. Gone for two weeks. 8 days have gone by. Got a friend I literally grew up with over. We're in the basement, smoking some hash out of a bong, watching Hogans Heros. (100 times funnier that way) Got the doors open, and told another friend just to come on in. So we're pretty wasted, and we hear the storm door open. Think it's my friend. Then someone laughs. I say, that sounds exactly like my Grandmothers laugh. That was one of the biggest suprises I got. Seems like the smoke cloud hanging from the ceiling was a foot thick. Still, that was some kick ass lebanese gold.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Just curious Champ, where is the spittoon? Apparently, either I've made a mistake, or someone just made coffee in it.
Posted by: Scootergptx
MD, Mom didn't mind, she would rather I did it at home and not out on the streets. Dad, well, fortunately he either ignored it or was ignorant of it. But Grandma, that wouldn't fly with her at all.
Had my McDonalds tray under the bed and Mom came in to clean. Pulls it out, and it's got roaches, papers, spilled herb, clips and burnt matches. She asked if I wanted it. First time I had been busted by her, so I was like, no no throw it all out. Brings it back 20 minutes later. Cleaned and arranged. She found my stash in my pocket once doing laundry. Found it on top of all my folded clothes. My Mom rocked.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Champ!! Bring us a round and fire up the houka. BR>
Here's to Mom's that rocked. BR>
Hey!! Look!!! (just checking)
Posted by: Scootergptx
Well, at least Champ will be happy. It sure brought in the business. Too bad nobody pays.
With that in mind, Champ, a round for the house!
Look!!!! (like I wasn't gonna try that again)
Posted by: Scootergptx
Looks like OFC is doing O-tay.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: Raptoryfn660r
Scootergptx,
Is that pic from a kiss concert?
It's actually a sumo wrestler wanna be. Just couldn't get it to come out clear.
I think I'll stick with Petey for a while.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: MrDumass
Oh, no one gets away without payment. I have been keeping a tab for each of you , and if you cant afford it then TPR and I will have to use "other" means to get our money. Ya know, break legs, cut off fingers, ass rape! Things like this. img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif" border="0">
Good thing my check is in the mail.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Hey Champ how about a cold one.
About this bill MrD sent, you sure he ain't hittin' the houka before he added this up?
Seems like there is a direct correlation between the number of Big Foot/OFC sightings and my bill.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Stay away from that synthetic grease. You've already got a nipple there, and I don't think you'd be able to wear shorts without a knee bra. (or would that be a bro)
Posted by: Scootergptx
Hey Champ, give a Jack n Coke. Can you put it in a McDonalds cup? I'm heading back to work.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Well Champ, good luck in the corporate world.
I see Mr D has made some changes. Looks like an oxygen bar, hoses everywhere.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Well, I've got a question. When TPR was in charge, he got permission for the poles to be installed. Are we still gonna get them? If so, I'd like to help take some of the load off Dumass until he gets situated. I'd be happy to have personal interviews with potential dancers. You know, business stuff. Make sure they have hair in the right places, or no hair in the right places, meet the strict standards of hotness, and of course, put out to the person doing the interviewing. Man, the things I'll do to help a friend. BR>
Well, time for bed. Dumass, nothing says sweet dreams like Crown. Bring me a double.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: 1of4Horsemen
Before the auditions they can practice their routines on my pole.hr>
Just be sure to tell them that's not the actual size of the pole.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Dumass, bring me an ice cold beer. Nothing like a cold one to wash down the awesome barbaque chicken from dinner.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Even better if they went to the OFC size glass. BR>
Better yet, have we could use RC's, ummm, jugs, for a mold and drink out of those. Talk about drink order increases. BR>
Watch out, Dumass will come over and want to share the pipe.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: 1of4Horsemen
Dumass has pulls a Hookah in his little red wagon behind him. hr>
Doesn't that become a tax write off now?
Interesting to see his "expense" report.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: 1of4Horsemen
What do they call it when a hot chick holds a shot glass between her boobs and you take the shot with your mouth only?
The last straw before my divorce?
Posted by: Scootergptx
Hell yes I'll take a beer. And bring it in a mug with one of those ringy things on it.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Dumass, a Bloody Mary. And throw this in the jukebox.
It's a bloody Mary morning
Baby's left me without warning
Sometime in the night
And I'm flying down to Houston
Forgetting her the nature of my flight
As we taxi toward the runway
With the smog and smoke reminding me
Of how I feel
Just a country boy who's learning
That the pitfalls of the city are extremely real
All the nightlife and the parties
Temptation and a seat
The order of the day
It's a bloody Mary morning
And I'm leaving baby
Somewhere in L.A.
Now our golden jet is airborne
And flight #50 cuts a path across the morning sky
And a voice comes through the speaker
Reassuring us flight #50 is the way to fly
And our hostess takes an order
Coffee, tea, or something stronger to start off the day
It's a bloody Mary morning
And I'm leaving baby somewhere in L.A
Ahhh.
If you can't wake up, have drink and listen to Willie Nelson first thing in the morning, well, you just ain't an American.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: powerismygame
Quote
Originally posted by: happydad
i guess not power, ill just keep the changehr>
good idea. and you can call me Fred.
Fred accepting tips? Heck Fred, take the tip, and the shaft too. BR>
Dumass, that new bouncer ain't checking ID's.
Now, if you need an armed bouncer...
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: powerismygame
can i use black powder?
Just when we got witherspoon settled down. BR>
You may want to consider a lubricant instead of a powder. But then I've never done anything like that.
As the saying goes, "It's your ass."
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: MrDumass
(Throughs Fred out.....again!) Scoot- you have permisson to use whatever force needed to keep this a respectable establishment. Wouldn't want to make Phantom Inc. look bad. hr>
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: motox26
Does anyone throw rocks in here? hr>
I'd watch out for Raptory when he gets in here. He throws TV bricks.
I thought it was ok to get stoned at the bar. Amsterdam rules and all.
Posted by: Scootergptx
(Yells from outside the door)
I'm walking in. I hope the only things hanging out are people!
Dumass, get me and 1of 4 a beer.
And give him a towel too.
Posted by: Scootergptx
My heart is filled with the desire to pay my tab. Unfortunately, the envelope I mailed was empty.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Hey Dumass I left the keys in...whoa! You took a last crap before you left didn't you?
(Captain Kirk imitation)
Must, find, air freshiner.
Keys are behind the bar. BR>
Dammit! No Bigfoot. I too blame the Mythbusters.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Got a bar open 24/7, but has keys. BR>
Kind of like locks on the doors of 7 - 11. BR>
Morning 1 of 4. Stay clear of the bathroom, whatever Dumass had, it lingers.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: motox26
And why is there keys sitting in a runny pile of poo?
Part of the security system I guess. I know I'm not takin' the keys now.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: motox26
Ooooo.....look, I got the keys! hr>
Please tell me that's not a sh!t eatin' grin you have Motox.
Posted by: Scootergptx
A guy walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder and sits down at the bar. The monkey jumps down
off the guy's shoulder and runs down to the end of the bar, hops on the pool table, grabs the cue ball and
eats it. The bar tender exclaims, "Hey, I need that cue ball for the table, what the hell man?" The owner of
the monkey says "What can I do when the monkey passes it I'll clean it up and bring it back to you." The
bartender says "Fine".
The next day, the guy with the monkey returns. He walks in and tosses the cue ball to the bartender. Again
the guy sits down at the bar and again the, monkey jumps down off his shoulder and runs down to the end
of the bar, this time to a bowl of peanuts. The monkey grabs a peanut, shoves it up his ass, pulls it out and
eats it. To which the bartender asks "What the hell is that monkey doing now?" The guy reply&39;s " After that
cue ball incident he sizes everything!"
Haven't taught the monkey this trick yet, Motox?
Posted by: Scootergptx
A peeled nanner.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: 1of4Horsemen
MrD give me a sledge hammer, not the drink, a 20 lb sledge, this monkey is done for.
See if Motox still has his paddle. I thought I heard him talking about spanking it earlier.
Posted by: Scootergptx
We had chili dogs for dinner last night. The wife said she like my weiner.
Ok, she said the hot dogs were good, but I did fix 'em.
I'll enter the contest, but I think I have the advantage.
Samson can be the judge, he has the accute sense of smell.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: motox26
Quote
Originally posted by: MrDumass
Valenetines day special is chilli dogs. Bring your sweetie in for some brew and chilli. Later on we will get the fart contest going. hr>
Will you quit talking about those damn chilli dogs!! I want one.hr>
I wish he's quit talking about the farts. I can't let one loose now. BR>
May be in the company of Larry the Cable Guy,
"I could sh!t through a screen and not touch a wire."
Posted by: Scootergptx
Whew! Dumass, you keep this up and your going to get sued by Terrance and Phillip for imitating weapons of ass destruction.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: 1of4Horsemen
How can you guy's even smell it with all the smoke from the Hookahs to mask the odor? hr>
Watch your step. He didn't just leave an odor. BR>
Man! What was in those chili dogs?
Posted by: Scootergptx
Gas powered poo.
Dumass, you'll have to donate your anus to science now.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Whoever he is, he must not be used to the smell of this bar. Should he be that color green?
Posted by: Scootergptx
Does anyone know if OFC ate some of the chili Dumass had?
If he comes in here, be prepared to evacuate. I'm sure he's about ready too.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: MrDumass
(POOOWWW!!!) I just put him out of his misery! Help me put him in the back room for shipment to the crab traps. hr>
(Grabs a can of lysol and sprays bar stool down)
So, you're saying you have crabs?
Posted by: Scootergptx
You know you need to put chairs in here. After looking on the floor, bar stool is taking on a whole new meaning.
Posted by: Scootergptx
When I come in tomorrow morning, I'll bring the power washer. Ain't polishin' no spitoons though.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Well, I kinda feel responsible for part of it. But the lighting in here could be better.
I mean, that really didn't look like a clothes hamper the first few times I wizzed in it.
Posted by: Scootergptx
(Scooter walks in the door, dressed like a character from the movie "Outbreak")
Ok, let's get this party started. (Turns on power washer)
Posted by: Scootergptx
Ok, inventory from cleaning so far;
1 black shoe, size 10 1/2, hole in bottom
1 Victoria's Secret push up bra, blue, size 34B (someone's just weird, that won't fit RC)
What appears to be a collection of snickers bars, found in corner
1 "I'm with stupid" t-shirt
1 pile of moving poo, that I chased out the front door, hopefully it won't be back
Haven't made it to the bathroom yet, wanted to wait till it was daylight. Nothing worse than a barfly vampire.
I'll let you know if anything else turns up.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Ok, bathroom is as good as it's gonna get. Three notable items were discovered:
Emilia Airhart, possibly Jimmy Hoffa and finally the Lindburgh baby.
2 out of 3 of these could land us in some serious trouble. I have covertly placed these items behind a 7-11, run by a recent immagrant from Iraq. Also placed on the items, a note stating that there was a second shooter at Dallas in 1963. Should really throw them off the track. BR>
There were a few stains that just wouldn't go away, so, there is still some "atmosphere" left in the stall.
Everything is wet, and will take a while to dry. I personally will conduct a moisture level test on all bottles in the bar. BR>
Don't forget, the moving poo is out there somewhere.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: 1of4Horsemen
Just had an idea... Fire..... we could burn it down that would pretty much sterilize everything and we could collect the insurance on the bar. hr>
Might want to wait till next week. I sprayed everything down, so it's just gonna smolder now.
Hey, I think we need to dry the houka out, the old fashioned way.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: motox26
I GOT IT!!! I GOT IT!!!!
(poo jumps out of Motox's hands and slaps Scoot in the face leaving a streak)
Oops.hr>
Well, on the upside, it was at least clean poo. BR>
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: 1of4Horsemen
Hey lets name it Mr. Hanky. hr>
LOL! BR>
Now I'll be humming that song all morning.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quick, give me a shot to go. This morning is turning into hell. Not the proper way th start a weekend.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Oh man! The moving poo is back! (takes a closer look)
Oh geez, who got the monkey drunk again?
Hate to see a person drink alone H. Just give a lime and a bottle of tequila.
Where's OFC, I bet he like a shot of this.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Almost forgot.
Congrats on 1600 H!
Posted by: Scootergptx
I'm just guessing, but I won't drink out of that bottle of crown.
Who put the roll of John Wayne tp in the crapper? You know that stuff won't take sh!t off anybody.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: 1of4Horsemen
Speakin of the crapper, we're out of ass gaskets. I had to hover. hr>
Well, quite a few of us just pee standing up.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Yeah, i'm just waiting till I say the wrong thing now.
Sponge Bob!
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: 1of4Horsemen
LOL, Your Jedi mind tricks will not work on me! BR>
Aint got enough sense to come in out of the rain? Lucky for you it's stoppin (zips up fly). img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">
No rain. I'm thinkin' "Happy clouds"
We'll see how many get that reference.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Ok, a round of drinks on me. Just someone besides Motox hand me mine.
Posted by: Scootergptx
I'm sure we'll have it back to it's low standards in no time. But it is nice to walk across the floor and not have my shoe get stuck. The wife was becoming supsicious of me only having one shoe lately.
I think this pump must belong to Motox. No stripper with any sense of style would have a heel that low.
Posted by: Scootergptx
(Toby Keith music blaring)
I love this bar...
Posted by: Scootergptx
See we got a new drinker. Anybody warn him about Motox's monkey? (shakes monkey off leg, again)
Dumass, I'll have three shots of tequila, a breakfast burritto, and there better be some AC/DC in the jukebox, or there's gonna be a .45 with all those cd's.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: 1of4Horsemen
You tell him Moto, your monkey has violated everyone but D400. img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">BR>
Scooter how bout I hold the monkey this time and you violate him for a change. hr>
I tried it earlier, but he won't hold his leg still. BR>
Hey TPR, how's Armand at getting out monkey spooge on pant legs?
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: 1of4Horsemen
(Walks over to play Jukebox) WTF?!!!!! Alright which one of you smartasses put Sponge Bobs theme song in here! hr>
(quickly avoids eye contact and begins to whistle)
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: motox26
Motox - "All right lets plar G---SEVONNNN!!!!!!!"
Scoot - "Uh, motox, you just G8"
Jukebox - "If you like Pina Colada's".hr>
(Scooter wrings wet cloth over his head and whispers)
The horror. The horror.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: motox26
Quote
Originally posted by: 1of4Horsemen
Did someone just say they wanted a hydro colonic? BR>
Uhhhh, what's a hydro colonic? A colon cleansing?hr>
With some high quality material. Really brings new meaning to, "blowing smoke up your ass."
Dumass, you may want to wipe the hose off on the houka before you use it.
Posted by: Scootergptx
One possibilty is the colonic, but has anyone seen the monkey near it?
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: motox26
At this rate I should be able to fill up a barrel!hr>
Great! The monkey was bad enough in the bar. Now I got to watch out for Motox.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Judging by the singing going on in here, there either is too much or not enough alcohol flowing.
I'm betting on not enough. Dumass, quit yer Boy George prancin' and bring us all a round. Hell, make it two rounds.
Oh geez, now the monkey's wearing glitter.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: 1of4Horsemen
Quote
Originally posted by: MrDumass
Quote
Originally posted by: 1of4Horsemen
Quote
Originally posted by: MrDumassQuote
If you saw me dance, you would know why I do it alone. hr>
Hmmm... Billy Idols - dancin with my self. Or, The Vapors - I think I'm turnin Japanese. hr>
I was thinking of that song in Silence of the Lambs...when the guy puts his unit between his legs and dances in the mirror. img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-blush.gif" border="0">hr>
Stop now!! I think Scooter is Pie eyed and has a dollar for your thong. hr>
It's a roll of pennies and he needs it on the front side.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: MrDumass
Aww, been looking at my unit, huh!? (slaps Scoot in face with it) Is that a better look??img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-disgusted.gif" border="0">
(Shakes head and sobers up, somewhat)
Damn that was you Dumass? BR>
(heads to penalty box)
(grabs houka in one hand, and alcohol wipes in other)
Damn monkey!
Posted by: Scootergptx
I like the idea of cashing paychecks and dollar pitcher night combined. But I'll still only be able to buy 4.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: motox26
The hell with drinking all that draft, I would like to do something besides sit on the toilet the next day.hr>
Once again, as I pointed out to 1of4, some of us stand up when we pee.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: motox26
Quote
Originally posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: motox26
The hell with drinking all that draft, I would like to do something besides sit on the toilet the next day.hr>
Once again, as I pointed out to 1of4, some of us stand up when we pee. hr>
Even with a p*s-boner?
Heck, I got a three point line around my toilet for the long shots.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: 1of4Horsemen
Quote
Originally posted by: ScootergptxQuote
Heck, I got a three point line around my toilet for the long shots. hr>
That explains why my shoes make that sticking noise on your floor. Your not a very good shot. hr>
Hey, when you swing a big bat, you're occanssionally going to miss.
Posted by: Scootergptx
I prefer to think of it as more of a spray. BR>
Did you ever notice how women like to put a rug on the bathroom floor? I used to think it was a decoration. Then I discovered, that when you take that first pee in the morning, and it comes out looking like your spraying your windshield, they make great mops.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Careful, Motox gets a little dislexic now and then. He may wind up getting peter salt instead. BR>
Back in 7th grade, we were doing something in history class, and the answer was salt peter. Still remember John Schanzenbach answering the question as "peter salt". Still makes me laugh.
Posted by: Scootergptx
I'll have to try this one at home, "But honey, the doctor said you need to increase you sodium intake."
Posted by: Scootergptx
Woo hoo!! The party ain't died down. BR>
TPR is the man!!
Just a reminder when it gets dark. If she's only 2 feet tall and hairy, that's Motox's monkey.
If you feel something on your leg that's 2 feet tall and hairy, you better hope it's Motox's monkey.
Posted by: Scootergptx
I thought I saw him with the monkey and a fist full of ones. BR>
Posted by: Scootergptx
Way to go TPR!
Ain't nothin' like a dancer in lace, leather and a cowboy hat. BR>
Hey come over here darlin', I want to have your baby! BR>
(monkey jumps over stage on to Scooter's table)
Aww dammit!!
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: deanz400
Mr.D I can help that stripper with a trim ,I gave enough hair cuts to some of my fellow soliders in Iraq ,
( talking to the stripper ) ok now hold still this won't hurt a bit , hey guys do we want any thing left on her?
Well, I volunteer to be left on her. The things I will do for this bar.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Besides, when's the last time you heard someone yell "Horsabunga!"
Posted by: Scootergptx
How about a round of Irish coffee and some biscotti? (bar goes silent, even the monkey)
Just kidding! Throw down some beers, I got pigs in blankets!
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: 1of4Horsemen
Shouldn't that be two pigs fightin under a blanket her ass is huge.img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-shocked.gif" border="0">hr>
Fesh ham, and a nice sausage link.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Nothing against TPR 's fine establishment. But knowing the type of clientele that come in here, I ain't eating nothing I can't see being fixed.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: 1of4Horsemen
MrD why does this burrito wrap taste like salty boot leather? hr>
Really! You know better than to give old people salty stuff.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: MrDumass
Quote
Originally posted by: 1of4Horsemen
MrD why does this burrito wrap taste like salty boot leather? hr>
(Takes 1of4's wrap and wipes my ass with it) There, how is it now. hr>
Monkey buritto's!
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: deanz400 Moto better get the monkey to the vet quick ,hr>
After what monkey did with the vets stethoscope last itme, I thought he wouldn't see him anymore.
Dumass, make sure everyone has a bottle of something (besides lotion) in their hands. It's time to drink!
Posted by: Scootergptx
54 and cloudy oustide.
Ok, who had the personal groomer last? Although the monkey does look funny with his ass shaved.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: MrDumass
Drink up men! Fire some weapons off! Slap some booty!
(looks up a dancer on stage)
Hey baby, hold my 9 for a minute. Uhh, 9mm, yeah that's what I meant. BR>
That was one cold stare.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: deanz400
Scooter she's met you before she new you didn't have 9 inches of any thing on you .
Laugh now, but I ain't flushin' the toilet next time.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Geez what a sh!tty mood I'm in now.
Dumass, bring me a blonde and a shot. You keep the drinks coming, I'll work on the blonde.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Nice, you even dressed the monkey like a pirate. BR>
cough*sponge bob*cough
Posted by: Scootergptx
Don't look now, but I think monkey is about to give that cat the "peg leg" BR>
Hey, isn't that the cat from the vets office?
Posted by: Scootergptx
Hell, give me one too.
Motox, exactly how did you teach a monkey to put on a condom?
Posted by: Scootergptx
Well give me a bottle of Jack, and I'm going out to the range. BR>
What the hell am I thinking? What about gun safety?
Dumass, give me a towel in case I spill something by my AR.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Weapons, whiskey and women sliding on brass poles. It just don't get better than this. (wipes away tear)
Posted by: Scootergptx
I am alone in a bar full of strippers. BR>
THANK YOU GOD!
Posted by: Scootergptx
(cough cough)
Thanks Dumass.
(takes a shot)
I'm goin' back in! If I don't make it back alive, it was all worth it.
And whatever you do, don't open the ladies room door. I saw monkey, that cat and two midgets go in there. BR>
Posted by: Scootergptx
(cranks AC/DC's Hell Ain't a Bad Place to Be on the jukebox, and jumps up on stage)
(promptly falls off stage, without ever uttering a word)
Posted by: Scootergptx
Sounds like I was born too late. BR>
Dumass, I need to borrow a ladder. My shorts are on the ceiling fan. BR>
Better bring me some Iced tea, too. Don't remember what happened this weekend, but judging by the looks from a few of the dancers, I wish I did.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Uhh, the spiderman panties ain't mine. Mine are The Incredible Hulk. BR>
Since I don't "partake" on a regular basis, it don't take much to get me buzzin' D4.
Called one of the numbers I got this weekend, and it was the free clinic. May want to be careful around one of the dancers.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: 1of4Horsemen
That aint the free clinic I was just messin with ya. That's barbies work number. hr>
Well, either way, I've got an appointment on Wednesday.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Looks like I missed Scooterfest. BR>
If it ain't stuck to the ceiling or floor, it ain't mine.
Sure that stuff on the stool wasn't the famed moving poo?
Posted by: Scootergptx
Can't name it Fred. We'd just get it confused with the original POS.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Ya gotta admit, for a pile of crap, it don't make a mess. (unless you step on it)
As long as no one sets him on fire and leaves him outside the door, I think we'll be ok.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: 1of4Horsemen
What if this becomes the dominate species? We're doomed! hr>
I'll be fine. I'm used to being told what to do by something that I sometimes consider to be a pile of sh!t. On the job training.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: motox26
Quote
Originally posted by: 1of4Horsemen
What if this becomes the dominate species? We're doomed! hr>
Maybe someone should breed with it! hr>
Someone besides monkey. BR>
Is this where the phrase, "fock this sh!t" originates?
Posted by: Scootergptx
I wouldn't worry about it.
Unless it buys you a drink.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: motox26
Im a beer slut.hr>
Well that explains the breed with it post, sorta.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Ironic. A monkey doing the monkey.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Since we're all going to riding animals soon, how about Maggie's Farm instead.
Posted by: Scootergptx
I am feeling much better. BR>
Was looking in the fridge this morning trying to decide if I wanted breakfast. Only drank 3 beers out of the 12 pack I got last Friday.
20 years ago, that and some eggs would have been breakfast.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Now I'm hungry.
Dummass, fire up the grill. Steak, eggs and beer for the house!
Armand, can you look at this stain on that stool. I know you can get it out, just wonder if you can identify what it came from.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: 1of4Horsemen
Not sure I want my food cooked up by some big nasty greasy skuzzball. hr>
Hey! I'm just buyin' breakfast. I ain't cookin' it too.
Posted by: Scootergptx
EEEWWWWW!!!! and OOOUUUCCHH!!!
1of4, watch my chair, I don't want any stains on it. I'm gonna go get us a couple of egg mcmuffins.
Or we could just wait for the strippers to get here and have a muff mceggin.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Well i guess that's somewhat of a relief.
At least it's explains the hairy ass anyway.
Not that I was looking, but when you got a ten pounds of hair hanging on your butt, people are gonna notice.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: MrDumass
All I said was that I had a banana for breakfast and the next thing I know theres a dam monkey in my ass. Good thing is that I dont need a colon cleasing in a while, bad thing is I wont be able to control my movements for a lil while.
Like you could control them anyway.
Posted by: Scootergptx
So, is that a banana in your pocket...
Posted by: Scootergptx
Sorry Motox, Trixies for kids. BR>
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: MrDumass
Quote
Originally posted by: Scootergptx
Sorry Motox, Trixies for kids. hr>
Not this Trixie....she is for when your lady is having a kid. hr>
Well, I asked if I could look in her box for a prize, and she said, "You're kidding me."
Posted by: Scootergptx
What the fock!!???
Who spooged in the folders? BR>
That was 1of 4 that wanted cream for his coffee.
Posted by: Scootergptx
I'd have him put it back Motox. Looked twice as big with it there.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Naw, I was just trying to boost your ego.
Posted by: Scootergptx
It's Friday dammit!
Two things I need set in front of me right now are a full glass and a women's ass.
Posted by: Scootergptx
MOTOX!
Tell the monkey that 1) it's a male, 2) I just got monkey ass hair in my beer.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: 1of4Horsemen
I'm not suprised the monkey has hemmorroid problems, he was tryin to cool his ass off in you beer. hr>
Well there's a Vegas bet.
Will the monkey catch something from me after having his ass in my beer after (I hope) I drank.
Or will I catch something from monkey ass hair first?
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: motox26
I wouldn't drink the dingleberries! hr>
I thought the ice was just dirty. No wonder it didn't melt.
Posted by: Scootergptx
What the hell is Motox doing on the floor, and why is Trixie shovin' that fake 20 up his.. wooaaa!
Posted by: Scootergptx
That monkey is something. I guess he thought the fixadent was ky lube, and now he's stuck to a bowling ball. OFC isn't gonna like stickin' his finger in that on Wednesday.
Posted by: Scootergptx
I can't taste my beer!!!!
Looks like I need a refill, Dumass. Make it a tall one too.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: MrDumass
Smatter, burn your mouth on something hot?
Yep, the new strawberry blonde stripper. BR>
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: 1of4Horsemen
Sorry bout that Scoot. she wasn't grindin enough so I smeared it with jalepeno juice. That got her movin. hr>
Still tastes like chicken. But it was gooooood spicey chicken.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: motox26
Well boys, I think it's time I put down the bottle for a while.hr>
There's no shame in drinking out of a glass. BR>
Posted by: Scootergptx
Brings new meaning to "hand job"
Posted by: Scootergptx
1of4, it's a good thing OFC wasn't here when you slipped last week. Could just imagine this scene;
"Ok, how many fingers am I holding up?"
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: motox26
Quote
Originally posted by: 1of4Horsemen
Bout time Nat looks a bit miffed at you suckin from the baby's bottle. hr>
I don't know why, there is enough of them after teh baby shower!hr>
Then come the sippie cups.
I have no children, and at least a dozen of those things in our cabinets. Although, they would make great drinking glasses when I've had a few too many.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Better give a me a cold one in a McDonalds cup. Almost time to head home.
Posted by: Scootergptx
(Scooter comes running into bar. Looking at Trixie boobs, trips on a chair and slides face first into the bar)
I heard free drinks and got here as fast as I could. Whew! One more foot to the right, and the I'd have slid into the monkeys ass. But a foot to the left, and I'd have nosed dived into DD's.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: 1of4Horsemen
Scooter my freind you have no manner of luck. Lousy choices, Monkey ass or MrD's manboobs. hr>
Judging by my choices, and what I hit, I'd say I'm pretty lucky. BR>
How about some more of the fine liquid spirits served in here.
Posted by: Scootergptx
I know we've talked about shaving the boys, but 1of4, if you're gonna wear a dress, at least shave your legs. BR>
(in true Scottish fashion, 1of4 bends over to pick up a penny)
EWWWWWW! I need a shot and something to gouge my eyes out with. Quick!!
Posted by: Scootergptx
Thanks Deanz. I got an image burned in my head that rivals the time I walked in on Mom and Dad.
Dam 1of4, get that monkey outta your kilt. Geez, you look like a hairy pregnant catholic girl.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Top off my sippie cup, I'm headin' to the ranch.
(slips Trixie a 20 and buries his face in her chest as he leaves)
Posted by: Scootergptx
Well, let's not let this OJ go to waste.
Dumass, leave that bottle of Absolut. BR>
Posted by: Scootergptx
Good idea 1of4. Maybe it'll free up a few of the dancers too. BR>
I say a roadtrip to the nearest zoo is in order. Dumass! Top off the sippie cups!
Posted by: Scootergptx
Well let's load up the Good Times van with liquor and ladies and get this monkey laid!!
Posted by: Scootergptx
It was the only thing Avis had available.
Just call me Shaggy.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Roll re a fat one.
From the Scooby Doo translater.
Posted by: Scootergptx
No video taping in the bar. No need to have any evidence that could be used against us later. BR>
We will allow free hand sketching.
Trixie, look! I found the pink crayon you've been wanting.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: 1of4Horsemen
Hope she doesn't try to sharpen the tip. hr>
Already had thought of that. You should see where I told her it was.
Posted by: Scootergptx
No more Scooby snacks! We've been sittin' in the van for over two hours, and I just noticed I left the keys in the bar.
Posted by: Scootergptx
That houka sure has been neglected lately. Better let me have a drag, need to balance my material/alcohol intake.
Posted by: Scootergptx
All right, anyone that wants a round of Crown Royal, raise your hand.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: 1of4Horsemen
Hook me up bro. BR>
Hey Scooter did we even leave the parkin lot today? hr>
Were we in the parking lot today? BR>
OOhh! Check out the dancer doing the headstand. Negative gravity boobs.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Nohting like getting home and having the wife ask what the hell am I driving the Scooby Doo van.
Had no recolection of ever getting in it.
Posted by: Scootergptx
99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer. You take one down, you pass it around, 98 bottles of beer on the wall.
Hmmm, I could significantly raise my post count this morning.
Posted by: Scootergptx
98 bottles of beer on the wall, 98 bott...
Oh, hey Motox.
Don't think I could sing that song. Not the karaoke expert like you.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Damn, now I lost count. Oh well....
99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer...BR>
If I do this 100 times, and start over each time, can I still tell the officer that pulls me over I only had 1 beer?
Posted by: Scootergptx
Better go find the monkey. I grabbed the National Geographic from him. He had a Playchimp magazine stuck inside.
Posted by: Scootergptx
I'm not too worried. Just had my pant legs scotch guarded. BR>
97 bottles of beer on the wall, 97 bottles of beer.
Posted by: Scootergptx
Wha...dammit!!
I think I got the problem solved. BR>
99 bottles of Jim Beam on the wall, 99 bottles of Beam.
I figure this way if I lose count, I won't care.
Posted by: Scootergptx
OMG!!!! What happened to the bar???? BR>
The floor is the wall and the walls are now the ceiling and floor!!!
Posted by: Scootergptx
Quote
Originally posted by: Catterman
C needs something strong today... Get me a decaff americano with sugar free vanilla syrup and steamed fat free skim mike! hr>
Just send another bottle of Jim down here on the floor.
C, I'm not too sure I want anything with skim mike.
Posted by: Scootergptx
You know, the view here on the floor wasn't too bad. Until 1of4 walked by in his kilt. BR>
Guess I could have at least had the courtesy to ask "how they hanging" but I just found out.
